Hey there! Are you curious about the rope scene? New to kink? Want to get involved but not sure where to start? It can be intimidating stepping in to a new community, but we’re excited you’re here and we want to support you! The resources on this website have some useful information to help you get started.

Jams are a casual gathering for folks to hang out, share ideas, and practice rope together in a safe environment. Erotic play is typically not allowed. They are a great way to begin to meet folks, learn a thing or two, and feel out if this is a hobby you might be interested in. There are public jams (many listed on this website) that are open to anyone to join as well as private jams that are invite only and usually hosted out of private homes.

Parties are where play happens. Just like jams, there are public parties that run out of local venues, as well as private parties that are invite only. If you are curious to see how people engage in rope and kink as erotic play, then parties are a good place to start. You will see all levels of play, including potentially hardcore kink. Some new folks can find this a bit overwhelming, but it’s always ok to step out or take a breather and most places offer a chill-out lounge for just this reason. The etiquette at play parties is a little different from other parties that you may have attended. See below for our recommendations when entering into this space for the first time.

Classes and workshops are dedicated educational events. They are a good way to try out rope in a guided environment. They can be a good way to make in-person connections and learn about other events, although probably not the best route to find a new play partner specifically. We highly recommend taking a beginner-friendly class if you’re newer to the scene, as these tend to cover foundational topics not just about the rope, but about kink and consent in general.

Going to your first party? Hurray! We’re so excited for you 🙂

As your first order of business, we recommend checking in with the Dungeon Monitor (DM). Essentially all public play parties will have dedicated Dungeon Monitors moving about the space. Besides serving as safety monitors, they are also there to help welcome new folks into the space and offer guidance. They are a good person to introduce yourself to your first time. They can make sure you know the specific rules of the event (there are some differences place to place, and rules you may not have thought about), and can offer insight into party and kink etiquette.

Speaking of kink etiquette, just like every other community, the kink community has its own social mores that are not always apparent to newer members. These are some things to keep in mind:

  • Watching scenes: A scene (noun/verb) is a kink play encounter. Watching other people scene is generally accepted at public events, but don’t be creepy about it. This can be a hard distinction for some to figure out. As long as you’re keeping plenty of space, not attempting to interact with the people in the scene (this includes trying to make eye contact or exchange non-verbal gestures), and not acting lewdly (making sexual gestures, masturbating while watching), then you are probably fine. Note that some events (see the Myself parties at the CSPC) encourage masturbating to scenes, but this is not generally tolerated.
  • Approaching partygoers: It can be really tempting to approach people at parties, especially after you just saw them do some hot play. Just like in normal life, it’s ok to express attraction or interest in someone, but some folks may feel uncomfortable if you come on too strong. Starting off a conversation with an offer to play can make some folks feel uncomfortable. As long as you’re respectful, though, then most folks are happy to make a new friend! You should know that many experienced kinksters only play with established partners, and don’t engage in what’s called pick-up play (play with folks they just met in the moment). Even if they decline your offer to play, they may still have some recommendations for how to find a play partner. After people finish a scene, they usually have some private reconnection time to spend with their play partner (this is called aftercare). This is an intimate moment, and you should not interrupt this if you want to make an introduction.
  • Pictures and privacy: Many of us in the kink community maintain strong boundaries between our mainstream and private lives. For some of us, this is a safety issue. For others, it can have serious implications to our professional lives if those boundaries are crossed. For that reason, privacy is a strong value within the kink community. Many people exclusively use an alias (scene name) in kink spaces. If you know someone outside of kink, then please respect their privacy and only use their scene name in kink spaces. Similarly, if you know someone from kink, and see them in the real world, please do not approach them unless you know it is ok to interact with them outside of kink spaces. When making conversation with new folks at kink events, some people may be a bit hesitant to share details about their professional life, to approach these topics cautiously. Pictures are another subject that the kink community has opinions on. When folks are in a kink space, they are expecting their privacy to be maintained, and being photographed impairs their trust in this. For that reason, many venues have policies on taking photos. Please check in with the event organizer or DM (dungeon monitor) to learn about the photo policy for their space.
  • Finding a play space: We have to share common resources at parties, and so it’s important to be mindful of how we’re using space. For certain special equipment (like hardpoints, or bondage furniture), there may be a queue to use it. Check in with your DM (dungeon monitor) to see if anyone has dibs on next use, and if not then you can claim it. When you finish your scene, do not linger too long in the scene space, as others may be waiting for you to clear out to start their play. For certain high risk, or space-occupying forms of play (whips, fire or wax play, loud scenes), please check in with your Dungeon Monitor on where it may be best to set-up. Some venues have dedicated spots for this kind of play, and others may outright not allow it.

It can be a frustrating place when you’re entering the kink world for the first time, and you’re learning about all the fun things you can do, and you just want someone to do it with. As with all things that are worthwhile, just a touch of patience will go a long way. Before jumping straight into the play side of things, we recommend making friends and connections in the community in non-erotic settings. The play will follow. Not only do we believe this will lead to more meaningful connections and enhance your play, but there are also some important practical reasons for this.

Firstly, having multiple connections within a community will help to ensure that if a connection goes sour, then you have others to keep your link to the community active. It can be awkward to attend an event if the only person you know there is your ex. Secondly, if something goes really wrong, or if someone acts unethically to you, it’s important to have community to support you, and to help protect others if someone is a bad actor.

To go about finding potential play partners, we recommend attending local jams and munches (see types of events above), and once you’ve made connections, invite them to go with you to an upcoming party!